3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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