Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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