I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
