I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
