she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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