i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
