I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
