But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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