He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
