you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
