when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Alive.
So much puke
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
