nut hugger
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
