Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
