Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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