he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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