when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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