I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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