oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I understand Curling. That high.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
