Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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