So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
