LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Drunk is a universal language darling
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
