His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
