you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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