Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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