This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
