haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
