I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
