i just wanna soil my oats bro
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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