I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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