R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
