who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
