The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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