Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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