My first STD was from a foam party
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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