I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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