Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
