'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
