What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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