My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
