buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
