when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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