just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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