You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
