Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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