Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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