im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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