Screwed.edu
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
