You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
