I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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