No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
