is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
