Kiss
Puke
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
